Discourse on Marriage
| A Discourse of Marriage and Wiving, and of the greatest Mystery therein contained: How to choose a good Wife from a bad. An Argument of the dearest Use, but the deepest Cunning, that Man may erre in; which is, to cut by a Thread, betweene the greatest Good or Evill in the World. Pertinent to both Sexes, and Conditions, as well those already gone before, as shortly to enter this honest Society. | A conversation on marriage and wives and the most difficult part of all: How to choose a good wife rather than a bad one. A sly and useful argument about a decision in which a man can easily make a mistake; it's a thin line between great happiness and terrible unhappiness. What's said here can apply to men and women; single, married, and those about to be married. |
| By Alex. Niccholes, Batchelour in the Art he never yet put in Practise. | By Alex. Niccholes, expert in marriage even though he's not yet been married himself. |
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He that stands by, and doth the game survey, Sees more oftimes, than those that at it play. |
The spectator often sees more than the player. |
| CHAPTER # IV - How to choose a good Wife from bad. | CHAPTER # IV - How to pick between a good wife and a bad. |
| This undertaking is a matter of some difficulty, for good wives are many times so like unto bad, that they are hardly discerned betwixt, they could not otherwise deceive so many as they do; for 'the devil can transform himself into an angel of light,' the better to draw others into the chains of darkness; so these, his creatures, themselves into the shape of honesty, the better to intangle others in the bonds of repentance: if, therefore, the yoke of marriage be of such perpetuity, and lasting even usque ad necem, i.e. 'until death,' and the joys or grievance thereon depending of equal continuance therewith, either to make a short heaven or hell in this world; it is not therefore to be undergone but upon the duest regard, and most advised consideration that may be; and, because it is such a sea, so wherein so many shipwreck for want of better knowledge and advice upon a rock, that took not better counsel in the haven; I have, therefore, in some sort, to prevent this danger, erected (as it were) certain land-marks and directions in the way, to give aim to such passengers as shall hereafter expose themselves to the mercy of this fury; and rather because our age is so adventurous, whether boldness or blindness be their guide, that mere children dare undertake with vessels scarce capable to hoist up sail, and adventure those passages, that former times, which in the nonage, never precedent us in the like, would have thought scarce navigable; but many times this calm, that leads them forth in a sun-shine with pleasure, brings them home in a tempest, with sorrow; and, therefore (as I said) he that would not repent him afterwards, let him be advised before; for 'wise foresight, for the most part, is crowned with happy success;' therefore, say not hereafter, (for it is a weak remedy,) Ulinam saperem, i.e. "would God I had been better advised;' but be it so. |
This is a hard job because good wives often appear the same as bad so they can hardly be told apart. If this wasn't true, the bad wives wouldn't succeed in fooling as many men as they do. The old saying goes, "The Devil can impersonate an angel" so he can fool more people into committing
sins. So too, bad wives - followers of the Devil - appear to be what they aren't: honest. That way they can trick others into sin. Because marriage lasts until death [do us part], and the happiness or unhappiness of a marriage lasts just as long, you'll have either a heaven or hell in this world depending upon whom you marry.
Thus, don't get married without a lot of thought and advice.
Marriage is like a sea where a lot of people get shipwrecked because they didn't have better knowledge and advice before they sailed out from the harbor. So, to stop people from getting shipwrecked on the sea of marriage, I've made a map of sorts with directions for anyone who chooses to brave this sea when it's stormy. I've done this because people of our time, trying to be brave or ignoring what's ahead, get married too young and don't have the tools or capabilities to sail on the sea of marriage. In the olden days, no one would have made some of these marriage matches since they would have been seen to be doomed. Many times a marriage that looks great at the start [in other words, has a calm sea] ends up in sadness [a storm]. So, if you don't want to regret things after you're married, get advice before because "looking ahead makes one successful." So don't say, "I wish I'd known," because that's a bad excuse. Get wise beforehand. |
| The first aim that I would give to him, that would adventure this voyage, (for marriage is an adventure, for whosoever marries, adventures; he adventures his peace, his freedom, his liberty, his body; yea, and sometimes his soul too,) is, that in his election, after he hath made choice of his wife, which ever I would have grounded upon some of the promising likelihoods, viz. That she be of a sober and mild aspect, courteous behaviour, decent carriage, of a fixed eye, constant look, and unaffected gait, the contrary being ofentimes signs of ill portent and consequence; for as the common saying is, 'An honest woman dwells at the sign of an honest countenance;' and wild looks (for the most part) accompany wild conditions; a rolling eye is not fixed, but would fix upon objects it likes, it looks for, and affected nicety is ever a sign of lascivious petulancy. |
If a man is adventuring into marriage (marriage is an adventure because anyone who gets married risks his peace of mind, freedom, body, and sometimes even his soul!), the first thing he needs to look for after choosing a wifely candidate is how she's likely to turn out.
It's best if she's sober and calm, doesn't practice rude behavior, carries herself well [good posture], has a steady gaze and focus in her eyes, and doesn't walk strangely - having such traits is a bad omen. The saying "An honest woman can be told by the look on her face" is true since wild looks signal problems. A woman who isn't focused on one thing [her husband or marriage] looks around for things that please her; falsely acting like she's nice is a cover-up for lustful bad behavior. |
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Next, regard, according as thine estate and condition shall best instruct thee, the education and quality of her thou hast so elected, her personage not being unrespected; for love looks sometimes as well with the eye of the body as with the mind, and beauty, in some, begets affection, and affection augmenteth love; whereas the contrary would decrease and diminish it, and so bring thee to a loathed bed, which must be utterly taken heed of, for the dangerous consequences that follow: therefore let thy wisdom so govern thine affection, that, as it seize not up deformity to thine own proper use, for some sinister respect to be shortly after repented of; so likewise (for the mean is
ever best) that it level not at so high and absolute endowment and perfection, that every carnal eye shall bethink thee injury; that every goatish disposition shall level to throw open the inclosures; that thy wife shall be harder to be kept, than the garden of the Hesperides: for as the Italian proverb is, 'Whose horse is white, and wife is fair, 'His head is never void of care.' |
The next thing to look for -
depending upon the man's education and wealth - is the education and general quality of the woman picked. Her looks shouldn't be bad because sometimes physical attractiveness can cause love. Beauty causes some men to feel affections and that adds to love. The opposite [an ugly woman] would reduce a man's love and wouldn't make him want to be with her physically. This is important because dangerous consequences are the result [no kids, pleasure, etc.]. Let your mind rule your heart - don't pick a woman with problems since you'll regret it.
Remember, the average woman is best. Having an average woman is best because a very beautiful woman makes every lustful man want you out of the picture; they'll try to get your wife and it'll be real work to keep her. It'll be even harder than keeping the golden apples in the legend of Hercules' last labor. As the Italians say, "If you have an exceptional horse and a beautiful wife, you're always going to have worries." |
| Next, after thou hast thus elected thy choice, and considered her in herself, with the aforesaid circumstances, and this one more (not being of his mind, that merrily said, speaking of his wife, 'Since he was to make choice out of things that were evil, he thought it most wisdom to choose the least;') to regard, that she be not of too dwarfish a size and kindred, to store thee with a generation of pigmies, dwarfs, half-men; that want the majesty and power of height and strength and comeliness a good stature is, for the most part, wedded unto. After this, a little look back to the stock, from whence she sprung, for, as Ezekiel saith, 'Like mother, like daughter:' and experience and nature approve it, that the fruit will relish of the tree, from whence it sprung, as the rose is not gathered from the hawthorn: as his majesty well observed, If men be so careful to have their horses and dogs of a good breed and race, which are only for external and superficial uses and pleasures; how much more should they their wives of their own bosoms, from whom they expect to raise and continue their own generations and posterities upon earth, to represent and preserve alive their own image and virtues behind them, from generation to generation, usque ad longinguum, &c.? |
Next, after you've made your choice and looked her over as an individual, there is one more thing to think about (assuming you didn't figure all women were evil & chose the least): you need to look at her and her relatives' size. Be sure they aren't too little so you don't get stuck with a bunch of dwarves and pygmies for children.
Be sure she's tall and well-formed since power and strength are usually combined with height. After you look at this, look at her parents who produced her since, as Ezekiel said, "Like mother, like daughter." This [a child resembling its parents] can be seen in nature; a particular fruit comes from a particular tree. A hawthorn tree doesn't produce roses. As the king noted: men are very careful to breed dogs and horses for perfection and they're only used for fun and non-important things. Even more important should be men's selection of wives based on breeding and lineage since they are living with the man and produce a man's children which will carry his traits into the future until the end of time. |
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